I am not a fan of transition. It's uncomfortable and awkward. It is hard and often feels lonely. But I think the hardest part is not knowing when it will be over.
Not knowing when things will settle back down--when your new rhythms and patterns will begin to feel natural. When both feet will be firmly planted in one spot--no longer straddling a fine line between the new and the old. When what was normal begins to feel like a distant memory and you are able to set your hand to the plow of what is before you.
These last two years have been almost constant transition. I have moved four times during my ten months in SF. New jobs, new goals, new friends, new home, new church--new everything. Just as soon as I get comfortable, something gets turned upside down and I realize again that I'm just a house of cards waiting for something to blow through. Build, rebuild, rebuild.
As I peek down at my feet now, praying to finally be on the settled side of that fine line, I find I am still straddling--still in transition.
But I know the Lord's heart well enough to know none of it is purposeless. He is the One rebuilding-- restructuring me from the ground up. He is the One who stirs deep within me and gives me dreams too big to stay put. He is tenacious in the way that He calls us and has put that same tenacity within me to take Him at His promises and reach to see them accomplished.
That said, I sense the Lord is leading me into full-time ministry with Linden Tree Outreach. What is this going to look like? Specific details of my day-to-day are still in the works (lots of prayer going into that from the leadership side), but the majority of my time will be meeting with people for renewal sessions. This is very exciting! And incredibly overwhelming. I am signing up for a full-time, unpaid, dream job. This will be my first time raising support and frankly there is a part of me that is holding my breath, waiting for it to be over. Putting all of my financial security in Someone else's hands has always been a weakness of mine I'd prefer not to tackle. BUT, here we are, tackling it. And the Lord is calling me to trust Him!
The goal is to be fully supported by July this year. More details to come as I break down the logistics of what this will look like, but MAN would I LOVE some prayer!
I sense there is a lot of teaching and dependency practice coming my way these next few months. It's not surprising as I am stepping into a ministry that also requires a deep level of dependence and trust in the Holy Spirit.
Please pray:
-that my heart would truly learn to trust God as Provider and Sustainer
-that He would glorify Himself through this process and use it to shape me for the good of His healing work in SF
-that He would humble me and I would learn to live from a place of consistent dependency on Him
Thank you!!
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